'Pretty Damn Fabulous' - An adventurous insight into the mind, thoughts, and viewpoints of a young gay man keen to express his personality and make an impact in an ever changing world.
Often based on opinion, ranging from dangerous to contrived, rarely too serious (well, sometimes), and hopefully always entertaining and thought provoking (hopefully always).
Get to know me - you'll soon love or hate me. But I promise you this dear reader
I will always be Pretty Damn Fabulous!
Dear Young Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual or Transgender person
I'm writing this letter to you, to let you know the most important thing in this whole world, right now the only thing that you need to know and understand. Regardless of anything negative, scary, or horrible that may be going on in your life right now, there is only one message I want you to know and accept, down to the deepest recesses of your soul:
Life is worth living and that you deserve to LIVE!
You may have some pretty horrible things going on right now in your life. You may be being bullied for who and what you are. People may be calling you names, threatening you, beating you up or worse. But listen to me now, and accept my one simple truth
You are perfect exactly as you are and do not have to change for anyone.
Bullying and hatred go hand in hand, and unfortunately are all too common these days in our modern lives. People will not understand who you are, or why you are the way you are. But that's ok. They don't have to. The only person who matters is YOU.
You are the most important person in your life, and you deserve to love yourself for who you are implicitly.
I am a young, happy gay man who has been through what you are going through. I have been bullied, threatened, spat at, ridiculed and treated like a piece of dirt because of my sexuality. Despite this, I got through it and continue to get through it. I live on, because I love myself and know that deep down in my soul, I am perfect.
Life may be very hard right now. You may think you do not have any other options besides suicide. You may feel alone, ignored and misunderstood.
Know that you are NOT ALONE. Somewhere out there someone who has written this has gone through exactly what you are going through and has SURVIVED.
You CAN and WILL SURVIVE.
I have a song that I dedicate to you now - it has helped me through some very dark feelings. It inspires me, and makes me want to continue living and loving.
These are the lyrics:
[Sia:] You shout it out But I can't hear a word you say I'm talking loud not saying much I'm criticized but all your bullets ricochet You shoot me down, but I get up
[Chorus:] I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose Fire away, fire away Ricochet, you take your aim Fire away, fire away You shoot me down but I won't fall I am titanium You shoot me down but I won't fall I am titanium
[Sia:] Cut me down But it's you who have further to fall Ghost town, haunted love Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones I'm talking loud not saying much
[Chorus:] I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose Fire away, fire away Ricochet, you take your aim Fire away, fire away You shoot me down but I won't fall I am titanium You shoot me down but I won't fall I am titanium I am titanium I am titanium
[Sia:] Stone-hard, machine gun Firing at the ones who run Stone-hard, those bulletproof glass
[Chorus:] You shoot me down but I won't fall I am titanium You shoot me down but I won't fall I am titanium You shoot me down but I won't fall I am titanium You shoot me down but I won't fall I am titanium I am titanium
YOU ARE TITANIUM AND WILL NOT FALL - DO NOT LET YOURSELF FALL!
Well kids, the past few weeks have been pretty eventful, particularly with the effect of bad news being attracted to me like a whore to a £20 note. Its had its ups and downs, and hey I'm still here.
I've decided some pretty big things, and decided to make some changes to the 'comfortable' life I lead. How this pans out, is going to be one helluva interesting ride - watch this space.
But I can't help but feel that I have been plagued by bad news/luck of late, and keep asking myself 'its supposed to come in 3's right - then why the hell am I on number 5 already?'
Some of the bad news has been minor, some of it a little more serious, but I'm trying to stay positive here. From having my phone stolen this week, by a somewhat crack dealerish looking individual, to my mortgage being declined by banks that are trying to save their own arses, I've tried to look at all this with one attitude in mind...
Roll with the fucking punches!
Life may be throwing a few punches right now... but damn I'm a tough queen and I'll roll with the fucking punches
That said... any good luck charms, wishes, potions, etc wouldn't hurt...
Having a role model, or someone you can look up to is probably one of the most important aspects to growing up and understanding a bigger sense of this big ol world. It helps to give you a sense of knowing that you can become something, and that your life can truly be amazing.
Growing up as a queer, gay, lesbian, transgender or bisexual kid is tough. Its tough to understand what the hell is going on in your own head, let alone in your own body, and its a whole lot tougher when you think you are the only one feeling the way you do. Feeling awkward, scared, like a disappointment, 'wrong' and praying to God every night and day to make you 'normal' makes it freaking tough people.
And having a role model(s) to look up to can so easily help ease that burden.
I grew up as a confused gay boy in a traditional South African family, where religion played a heavy formative role on my life and my parent's conservative attitudes shaped me into the person that I am today. I clearly remember growing up feeling 'different' and knowing that I was not how I was supposed to be, according to my society, in terms of what we considered 'normal'. I would of course come to realise later in life, that what was considered 'normal' was pretty much a very isolated and small world, and that I was indeed actually pretty fucking normal and that I was exactly who I was meant to be.
I did however, grow up without any real gay role models. I did not have anyone specific enough for me to look up to, and understand that it was ok to be a gay man, and that life went on, and it was fabulous. I did in some ways have a family member who was also gay and I would later on in my teens realise would play a role in being a role model, but that experience was also fraught with issues.
As I have grown into an adult gay man, who pretty much leads a pretty fabulous life, filled with much love, happiness, and laughter, I now realise that it is so fundamentally important that young LGBT youth get a message of hope and happiness! It is something that has been consuming my mind, heart and soul and my need to be a role model grows every day.
A while back in the US, a number of young gay teens killed themselves. Bullying, harassment, homophobia and hatred led them to taking their own lives. It was and is a sad indictment on modern society and culture to know that these beautiful young gay men thought it better to put a gun to their heads, a rope around their necks, or a mouthful of pills to end it all.
The It Gets Better campaign www.itgetsbetter.org was created by Dan Savage and Terry Miller following these sad events to help create role models and a message of hope to any confused, scared LGBT youth out there, to know that it would indeed get better. I am intensely passionate and proud of this campaign and will be blogging on it more in the weeks to come.
Other stories and messages out there also inspire me and there are some very special individuals out there whose messages and stories serve as inspiration for all, and who deserve to be called role models.
One such message and individual is from a US politician named Joel Burns.
Please watch the below video which explains his message and story.
I would like to be a voice like this.
I would like to be a role model.
I will save a life! Will you also make a difference?
I want the tragic loss of Asher Brown, Billy Lucas, Justin Aaberg, Seth Walsh and so many others to never happen again. Life is beautiful and worth living. And we need to make that message LOUD and CLEAR.
So let's throw this out there, what's the relationship between uncertainty and risk kids?
Because right now, I am bloody uncertain about a certain part of my life, and really wonder if the risk is worth it? I know, that's so totally mysterious. That's the way I roll.
But on a serious note, there is opportunity for me to do something pretty 'risky' which means my immediate future would be pretty uncertain, but the rewards potentially outweigh all the negatives.
I am however stuck as to what I do next...
Unfortunately I cannot share anymore at the moment, but what are your thoughts on risk and uncertainty?
In other news, I've officially become a British citizen which is super awesome. A queen for a queen I say, and I must apologise for being rather slack with updating this blog. I've been keeping the words (and voices) in my head... overflow imminent!
Speaking about this blog - I am somewhat amazed at how few followers I have here. Clearly I am not as interesting as I thought - ha!
This is now where you click follow, send to friends to do the same, and thus validate my ego and make me feel even more fabulous.