Wednesday, 7 September 2011

Role Models


Role Models... Queer leaders!


Having a role model, or someone you can look up to is probably one of the most important aspects to growing up and understanding a bigger sense of this big ol world. It helps to give you a sense of knowing that you can become something, and that your life can truly be amazing.

Growing up as a queer, gay, lesbian, transgender or bisexual kid is tough. Its tough to understand what the hell is going on in your own head, let alone in your own body, and its a whole lot tougher when you think you are the only one feeling the way you do. Feeling awkward, scared, like a disappointment, 'wrong' and praying to God every night and day to make you 'normal' makes it freaking tough people.
And having a role model(s) to look up to can so easily help ease that burden.

I grew up as a confused gay boy in a traditional South African family, where religion played a heavy formative role on my life and my parent's conservative attitudes shaped me into the person that I am today. I clearly remember growing up feeling 'different' and knowing that I was not how I was supposed to be, according to my society, in terms of what we considered 'normal'. I would of course come to realise later in life, that what was considered 'normal' was pretty much a very isolated and small world, and that I was indeed actually pretty fucking normal and that I was exactly who I was meant to be.

I did however, grow up without any real gay role models. I did not have anyone specific enough for me to look up to, and understand that it was ok to be a gay man, and that life went on, and it was fabulous. I did in some ways have a family member who was also gay and I would later on in my teens realise would play a role in being a role model, but that experience was also fraught with issues.

As I have grown into an adult gay man, who pretty much leads a pretty fabulous life, filled with much love, happiness, and laughter, I now realise that it is so fundamentally important that young LGBT youth get a message of hope and happiness! It is something that has been consuming my mind, heart and soul and my need to be a role model grows every day.

A while back in the US, a number of young gay teens killed themselves. Bullying, harassment, homophobia and hatred led them to taking their own lives. It was and is a sad indictment on modern society and culture to know that these beautiful young gay men thought it better to put a gun to their heads, a rope around their necks, or a mouthful of pills to end it all.

The It Gets Better campaign www.itgetsbetter.org was created by Dan Savage and Terry Miller following these sad events to help create role models and a message of hope to any confused, scared LGBT youth out there, to know that it would indeed get better. I am intensely passionate and proud of this campaign and will be blogging on it more in the weeks to come.

Other stories and messages out there also inspire me and there are some very special individuals out there whose messages and stories serve as inspiration for all, and who deserve to be called role models.
One such message and individual is from a US politician named Joel Burns.

Please watch the below video which explains his message and story.

I would like to be a voice like this.

I would like to be a role model.

I will save a life! Will you also make a difference?

I want the tragic loss of Asher Brown, Billy Lucas, Justin Aaberg, Seth Walsh and so many others to never happen again. Life is beautiful and worth living. And we need to make that message LOUD and CLEAR.


Sunday, 4 September 2011

Risky Uncertainty


Uncertainty...

So let's throw this out there, what's the relationship between uncertainty and risk kids?

Because right now, I am bloody uncertain about a certain part of my life, and really wonder if the risk is worth it? I know, that's so totally mysterious. That's the way I roll.

But on a serious note, there is opportunity for me to do something pretty 'risky' which means my immediate future would be pretty uncertain, but the rewards potentially outweigh all the negatives.
I am however stuck as to what I do next...

Unfortunately I cannot share anymore at the moment, but what are your thoughts on risk and uncertainty?

In other news, I've officially become a British citizen which is super awesome. A queen for a queen I say, and I must apologise for being rather slack with updating this blog. I've been keeping the words (and voices) in my head... overflow imminent!

Speaking about this blog - I am somewhat amazed at how few followers I have here. Clearly I am not as interesting as I thought - ha!
This is now where you click follow, send to friends to do the same, and thus validate my ego and make me feel even more fabulous.

Get clicking bitches!


Saturday, 27 August 2011

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Gaydar


Gaydar... the 6th Sense.

So this kinda amazing thing happens on a pretty regular basis where by I will suddenly 'sense' another gay... and laugh or scoff (or both in equal measure) if you dare, but I dare say it happens all the time, and I am a firm believer in the power of gaydar!

'Gay dar' noun Informal .
a homosexual's purported intuitive or sensing ability to identify other homosexuals.

Now. this is a pretty big one to discuss, and ask different gays their opinions and you will get a multitude of answers. Does it exist? Does it work? Are there specific signs? Where can I buy it? All valid questions, some easier to answer than others, (unless Abercrombie and Fitch starts selling a fragrance called Gaydar - note to self, write to Marketing Dept for A&F)

My husband would argue that my gaydar is broken, and sure, some days I do get it wrong - damn you Metrosexual European men, dressing, walking, talking and looking like the gays. But, generally on the whole, I think I am pretty good and can 'sense another mo' walking down the street.
My best example and perhaps the most profound was a few years ago when I was at work (consider that my work environment is pretty heavy on the homosexual), I was 'head down' (in paperwork you pig), when my gaydar went 'bing bing bing' and I looked up to find a rather lovely homosexual man in front of me. Now, variable factors aside, I'd like to believe that I had, correctly sensed his approach and perhaps his mine, and that all gay gods were indeed sending their gay powers out there.

People often ask, 'how do you know if someone is gay?' - and granted it is getting alot more difficult these days to answer that question, with the advent of metrosexuality, fashion, grooming and the rise of the gym obsessed male. I personally find it alot easier to spot another 'mo' (that's my slang for homosexual) out of Europe - dunno, perhaps its an African thing. But aside from the blatantly obvious, whereby he may be engaging in some rather explicit sexual interaction with another member of the same sex (minds out of gutters boys............ and I'm back) I do think there is one very specific way to know if someone is gay.

Its all about the eyes...
Yes that's right, and no this is not a mascara placement ad (but it could be if you'd like to pay me)
Invariably, we look at things that attract us and that we want/need/desire  (I'm unsure where the distinctions start and end) and this is often the easiest way to know if someone is gay.
Look where and what he looks at. But its pretty fast and you have to be even faster to notice.

Consider this example - You're in a bar, admiring a rather handsome specimen, but you're unsure if he plays for your team or for the mo's... Watch his eyes. Is he looking at the beautiful blond waitress whose skirt is around her naval, or is he looking at the bartender's whose guns are on display (guns = term for muscley arms). And be quick, because the eye contact is gonna be super fast.

So ladies - my advice - keep looking at the eyes!

But yes, Gaydar does exist and yes, I can tell if the cute guy on the bus next to me is a mo or not.
Do I sometimes get it wrong... absobloodylutely - but to be fair, those gays deserve the confused status. LOL

My fellow gays - what are your thoughts?

Now, on to that new fragrance.........

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

All Change Please...


Change

So firstly I need to apologize for being completely non-existent and ignoring my blogging duties.
Unfortunately this rather crazy thing called life got in the way, and I was somewhat distracted by some rather large and important things, and also some crazy small irrelevant things... ah the joys of a short attention span.
So kids, like I'm totally sorry!

So on to the next random thought - Change... and no not the small silver coins in your pocket kind, but the big assed, you're actually going to be a little challenged or fucking scared kind...

There has been alot of this kind of change in my life of late. And as much fun as it is being a rather dramatic queen, it has been somewhat of an emotional roller coaster ride. Yeeehawwww - shit in your pants.

I sense alot of change coming... some big change and some small change (I'll also take the silvery kind, thank you very much). It leaves me feeling... apprehensive, yet excited.

If I can make the big change happen, it will mean exciting, challenging, learn new things kinda change. Which I think is really important in any one's life. We need to be challenged, motivated and pushed to our boundaries.

Change however, can also be of a negative kind, and how we limit this change is sometimes rather self defeating, but we keep on trying don't we? The question is, is change inevitable as the cliche goes, and how should we embrace or fear this phenomenon?

I would like to embrace the change in the next few weeks. I challenge myself to all change please...

I'll keep you all updated and reveal more when I can. But for the time being... I'd like to challenge you to leave me a comment - how do you feel about change? What has been your biggest/scariest change?

P.S. I promise to be more regular... on this blog, and not necessarily in the toilet kind.

Friday, 15 July 2011

Stonewall

Stonewall - The leading Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual charity in the UK, fighting towards equality for LGB people in all aspects of life.

For more information please see:
http://www.stonewall.org.uk/


Please support this very worthy charity if you are able. Every cent/penny/dollar/pound makes a difference.

Thank you!
http://www.stonewall.org.uk/what_you_can_do/donate_to_stonewall/default.asp

Thursday, 7 July 2011

Thankful...


Thankful - For what I have and what I am yet to learn

Hey kids, as you may or may not have noticed, I have not posted for a while. My apologies for this. I have been dealing with a very stressful family emergency in South Africa and have been away. Short story is that my mom had a brain tumor removed and she is now recovering well, which is a real blessing.

I have come to realise in the past week or so that my life holds much to be thankful for, regardless of how stressed and emotional I may have been feeling, and let me tell you, this week has been a pretty tough rollercoaster ride on that ride of emotional ups and downs. I have been super worried about my Mom's health and my Father's emotional well being, and being very far away from home ( I love in London, South Africa is home) has not been easy.

The distance has put alot of strain on me personally and I have felt pretty useless at times, knowing that a loved one is sick or in pain and suffering distress. As much as you can phone, Skype and text people, not being able to be there all the time in physical presence weighs heavily on the heart and mind. I have come back to SA and am glad I did to be with my family through this difficult time.

Bridging the gap between us physically has also bridged the gap emotionally and we have reconnected which is great. I've lived away from home for 7 years now and it has been tough, but also very rewarding.

I have however over the past couple of days realised I have much to be thankful for, and do try keep this in my mind at all times, so as to not be caught up in the craziness and chaos that is life, emotions and stress.

I am thankful for a loving family, who are all still together
I am thankful for an amazing supporting and loving husband who has been my emotional rock through all of this.
I am thankful for super supportive friends and colleagues, who have made me smile and warmed my heart when all I felt like doing was being weak.

Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive over the past few weeks.

More pretty damn fabulous soon to come :) For now, I shall enjoy the warm South African winter sun... mmmmmmh pass the SPF boys